Here's some great advice y'all.......
30 TIPS FOR LIFE:
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never play leapfrog with a unicorn
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never tell a zombie he looks like death warmed over
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never trust a man with two eye patches
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never drink prune juice when traveling to the Land of No TP
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always drink from the side of the glass nearest your lips
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never go cliff diving with a guy named Cliff -- it's just too many cliffs
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never play poker with a guy named Ace... or Lucky
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never ride on an elevator with a guy known as Stinky
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never bet on a horse named Tripod
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if you don't know.... shut your trap
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make sure you keep the tube of toothpaste and the tube of Preparation H on separate sides of the medicine cabinet
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be careful about who you offend on the way up;
you may meet them again on the way down
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if you love Chinese food but you're trying to diet, eat as much as you want but use only 1 chopstick
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carry a few mice around in your pockets when you go out;
then the next time an elephant picks you up, show him the mice;
he will probably set you down immediately and you will be free to walk away
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keep an open mind, but not so open that your brains fall out
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if you can't beat them, join them.... then beat them
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people who live in glass houses...should get dressed with the lights off
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when in doubt.... mumble
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beware the McNugget
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do not eat yellow snow
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"knowledge" is knowing a tomato is a fruit;
"wisdom" is not putting that tomato in a fruit salad
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if your house is flooding, don't worry about your pet fish
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be sure to protect your USB devices from PC-venereal diseases
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don't put more foot in your mouth than you can swallow
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use a permanent marker to put a big "X" on the bottom (inside) of your favorite coffee mug.
Next time you have a drink, you'll be able to see when you reach the bottom and need a refill, as the X will magically appear
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always drink upstream from the herd
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never pet a burning dog
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there is no safe way to operate a weed-wacker while in the nude
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hope for the best;
prepare for the worst; gracefully and gratefully take what comes
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teach your children well
AND A COUPLE RANDOM FACTS
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people named Bob are prone to spelling their name backwards by mistake
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duct tape is like the Force:
it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together
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contrary to popular belief, toilet paper was not invented by Mr. Charmin or Mrs.
Angelsoft
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Take care......
Matt