Terrific Tweets


A collection of 15 really witty recent tweets from Twitter:

One more missile failure and the Acme Corp. is going to lose that North Korea contract   @WilliamAder


I wish someone from United would get my kids up in the mornings   @WhaJoTalkinBout



Seeded grapes are perfect for when you want someone to have grapes but also you hate them   @AndrewNadeau0



Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Also, this is America so they all have guns   @Gooooats



If it's so normal and well-intended, why don't men tell other men to smile?   @curlycomedy



I bought a bathing suit yesterday and the automated voice said "unexpected item in bagging area"   @jackiembouvier



Did it bother anybody else that the guy from that Operation game was clearly wide awake?   @CleoZevach3000



What kind of psychopath works on the railroad all the live long day just to pass the time away?   @GianDoh



Women are so confusing, one day they say they love hummus and then the next day they say it’s a bad birthday present   @thenatewolf



Aliens in 2017: "Take us to anyone but your leader."   @nedostup



You can tell you're a guy with too many ponytails if you have one ponytail   @ZackBornstein



The scariest part about U.S. tensions with North Korea is the unpredictable narcissistic leader with nukes. I also worry about Kim Jong-un   @GianDoh



Told my kids the tooth fairy broke a leg in a messy bedroom recently and is now afraid of clutter. That should buy me at least an extra day   @MarianneLilly4



Don't think of it as "rolling back environmental protection & destroying the earth" Think of it as "creating respiratory therapy jobs"!   @AmishPornStar1



The situation in Syria is incredibly complex, but if anyone can unravel it, it's a reality TV host who lost money running a casino.   @OwensDamien


(compiled by Eric Zorn, Chicago Tribune)



Really got a chuckle outta a couple of those...... especially the ponytail and bathing suit ones.


Out for now........


Matt

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